So, yesterday I had a colonoscopy.
Being serious for a moment: when you turn 50, get one! It's one of the few cancer screenings you can have that 1) definitively tells you you don't have colon cancer and are not developing it and 2) if you do have early signs (polyps) they just cut them out while they're there! Don't procrastinate or make excuses. Do it. If you die from colon cancer these days it really is your own damn fault.
Ok, enough of that.
So in order to get a good view of your colon it has to be clean. So you prep for 24 hours, going on a clear liquid diet and then using a colon prep kit. You drink a bunch of fluid. The fluid contains a lot of salts. Then you drink a bunch of water. Your body wants to dilute all that salt in your colon, so it sends all the water there. Then all that water exits. Viola, clean colon.
It's not like a laxative that works by stimulating peristalsis. So very little or no cramping.
And you get to experience the thrill of pissing out your ass!
Ok, so I did that and then I went in and they stuck a long camera up my ass and that all went fine.
Then I could eat again.
Today I was envisioning that first food racing happily down the empty highway of my intestines. Woo hoo! Clean air!
But wait! I wondered, "What do turds prefer? Having an open road in front of them like after a colonoscopy? Or drafting behind other turds like they normally do?"
