Poopourri

"Poopourri spray promises to take the stink our of public pooping."

Someone's Pooping In Golf Holes In Norway

"He has a couple of favorite holes."

Fecodynamics

So, yesterday I had a colonoscopy.

Being serious for a moment: when you turn 50, get one! It's one of the few cancer screenings you can have that 1) definitively tells you you don't have colon cancer and are not developing it and 2) if you do have early signs (polyps) they just cut them out while they're there! Don't procrastinate or make excuses. Do it. If you die from colon cancer these days it really is your own damn fault.

Ok, enough of that.

So in order to get a good view of your colon it has to be clean. So you prep for 24 hours, going on a clear liquid diet and then using a colon prep kit. You drink a bunch of fluid. The fluid contains a lot of salts. Then you drink a bunch of water. Your body wants to dilute all that salt in your colon, so it sends all the water there. Then all that water exits. Viola, clean colon.

It's not like a laxative that works by stimulating peristalsis. So very little or no cramping.

And you get to experience the thrill of pissing out your ass!

Ok, so I did that and then I went in and they stuck a long camera up my ass and that all went fine.

Then I could eat again.

Today I was envisioning that first food racing happily down the empty highway of my intestines. Woo hoo! Clean air!

But wait! I wondered, "What do turds prefer? Having an open road in front of them like after a colonoscopy? Or drafting behind other turds like they normally do?"

This Beetle Uses Its Poop as a Shield or Sword

Check out this story from Wired!

PoopLog!

PoopLog is a free application that allows you to track your bowel movements using the Bristol Stool Scale on your Android powered device. Once you record the type of bowel movement, volume, and time, PoopLog allows you to attach a note, attach a photo, and even allows you to share any part of your entry with other installed applications (such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, SMS, Email, etc..).

I can't wait until I start seeing PoopLog shares on Fecebook!"

This is where my poop comes out

 

When Will They Learn?

One of these days companies will learn that you can't let the public "customize" your brand.

My 11-year-old daughter created this custom potato chip flavor.

Poo Cards

For your pleasure: Poo Cards!

From the wonderful folks at Edible Anus.

Unphotoshopping Justin Bieber

Wait for it...

LOG BOOK: THE MAN WHO KEPT A DIARY OF EVERY SHIT HE TOOK IN 2014

Intrepid reddit user captainmercedes kept a diary of every poop he had during 2014. He noted down every bowel movement in his captain’s “log book”—at what time he had one, its size, consistency, duration and many other relevant details. The information was kept in accordance with the Bristol Stool Chart—an academic shit comparison guide which experts use to classify the quality of turds from “nuts” and “liquid” to something that resembles “a sausage or snake.”

Enjoy!

Thanks to AK for the link.

The Road Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

My daughter, yesterday:

"I'm gonna start a band named Poop Nuggets. Our first single will be titled 'Last Night's Corn'"